you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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