Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
