that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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