matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
