It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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