Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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