Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
