My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
