Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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