its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
