He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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