EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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