His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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