We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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