i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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