Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
