I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
