I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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