I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
