Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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