when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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