Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
