I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
