It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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