Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
