yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
