We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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