The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
