i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
