I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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