I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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