So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
