I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
