I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
