I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
