Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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