Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
