I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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