She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
