ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
