YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
