hell yes lets make some ravioli
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
