im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
