My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
