Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
