i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
