he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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