Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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