quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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