you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize