I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
