Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
