yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize