my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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