i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
