At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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