He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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