she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
