i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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