4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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