tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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