I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
