i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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